Let's not repeat history

Back From Fall Break

Wed, 12 Oct 2005 04:08:25 GMT

Mmm back at Emory! It was so f.ing sweet to see Nicole and Metra and Hilary and Mer and Rach and Jes and my mommy and the kittens. :)
Now I have to get back in the sinc of no car and school and missing gordon.
Hehe, i can't lie. i do like it here. :)

Wed, 01 Jun 2005 19:16:58 GMT

So I slept until nearly 2.30 on Senior Skip Day. I should have called it Senior Sleep Day. Today I spent with my Mommy in her classroom. her kids are adorable. I'm so glad I'm not in elem. school anymore. The only thing worse is Middle School. Gross. Gordon, get a job. Meredith, come over here. Nicole, ... doesn't read lj. Hilary, i miss you so come to beach week. tell you mom that if she doesn't let you then you will coincidentally be kidnapped for the week anyway so she might as well avoid an unnecessary run-in with the police and let you go lest the kidnapping plan ensues.
Hung out with Mike and Patrick a little, but really they just get high all the time. i've decided that gordon was right. getting high with potheads is like getting drunk with alcoholics. it's just not fun. and i'm not really the druggy type. I'm sorry.
I also hate social interaction.
And now I have to go to work.
Gordon- get a job. Don't make me punish us both and withold sexual favors.
Haha, just kidding. I wouldn't do that.

Computer System

Tue, 19 Apr 2005 17:30:03 GMT

I'm not working ever. In fact, I'm in comp sys right now and I haven't done shit for anything. I really do not intend to either. And I'm leaving school now. Maybe when I get my report card it'll incite motivation. Or not.
I don't really even have the motivation to write a long and detailed and witty lj post.

In Comp Sys

Thu, 27 Jan 2005 18:59:19 GMT

ugh, weirdness. if i used words instead then i bet things would be fixed so much quicker. if there is anything to fix at all, but that just gets me back to where i started.
I'm not really into stupid conversation like there usually is in the Comp Sys Lab, which reminds me how awesome computers are because we don't need to talk at all. And it's like we're each alone and yet not alone, too.

Gorgo, I almost called you about 3 minutes ago, but I think you had class at noon and i never know exactly how long they are cuz i know they're long but how long? i dunno.

Also, it is so cold and I am so cold. I need to get working on scholarship stuff. That's what I'll do on the plane. or at least I'll sift through my massive amount of shitty writing and pick the stuff i want to send people.

"To Whomever Could Give Me Money,
My name is Carey. I write a lot. This is some of what I've written. Please give me money.
I promise to use it for college.
With a cherry on top.
Thank you,
Carey "

Mon, 03 Jan 2005 03:40:10 GMT

I miss Gordon. Also the M key is breaking on this comp.

I do love you, gogo, even if it takes you a couple days to set up your computer and read this.

sleptover with rachel last night. we watched discovery health (who else would watch that until we fall asleep with me?) and then woke up late and ate chips and the graduate and then wrestled (who else would do that with me?). friends are good.
nicole ended up coming home late so i didnt get to see her, but at least i could talk to her and i reached meredith. tomorrow i'm going to watch the l-word and do homework with bo, which should be fun. i want to talk to her and hopefully she'll let me listen.

also, i'm dying my hair. pink. in the middle.

Search of Oleg!

Mon, 20 Dec 2004 16:03:15 GMT

Amit, where are you?

With bated breath

Sat, 18 Dec 2004 21:54:57 GMT

I've been edgey all week, pushy and short-tempered, but hopefully things are on the up-swing. To fill my girly gushing quota for this entry, I love Gordon so much! He's so good for me, and it's so nice. It's just he does things that seem like no big deal to him or to other people but i know that i need them and he does them so naturally. like when i get angry i just leave, and most people just let me leave, which is what i'm asking for but not how to fix things. my parents, though, don't understand that sometimes i do need to leave and the one time i did need to leave, he let me, and i bet if he reads this he'll shake his head and tell me i'm biased and crazy which is true but has no impact of the truthfulness of my statements.

Last week was actually pretty sucky, and Friday just topped it off, so when I came home I cleaned and went fanatical with hair-removal. I plucked and trimmed eyebrow and arm hair and then got ready to take a shower. So i stood in the bathtub- naked- staring at the mirror. And then I started cutting my hair. By the time I was finished, I realized that i'd cut off about 6 inches and now it was a little longer than chin length. So i showered, shaved my legs and armpits, warned Meredith, and stuck my new 'do into a ponytail and hoped for the best. It's not too bad, I'd say, since I did it myself using kiddie scissors. So for what it is, hopefully i'll get used to it, and Meredith and my parents like it, and Gordon says it's classy (but he's biased and crazy).

No word from Emory yet, but my daddy did get me an early xmas present-- an 89! :) :) :)

Fri, 17 Dec 2004 04:09:04 GMT

I'm such a nerd. I lost my 89 (first time to lose a calc ever!!!!!!) and so i ended up playing computer puzzle games for hours... and my hands are even sore from all the clicking and typing. omg, im such a nerd.

I do not want to go to school

Mon, 06 Dec 2004 12:49:32 GMT

She had him.
She had him and she knew it.
She still has him.
I'm not even pretending I do.

It's True...

Tue, 30 Nov 2004 18:32:11 GMT


postal service is love
brought to you by the isLove Generator

True, it may seem like a stretch, but it's thoughts like this that catch my troubled head when you're away...


gordon is love
brought to you by the isLove Generator

...when I am missing you to death.

I'll be your platform shoes and undo what heredity's done to you. You won't have to strain to look into my eyes.

Mon, 29 Nov 2004 16:01:28 GMT

Basics
Name: Carey Elizabeth Russell
Age: 17
Location: Falls Church
Occupation/Future Occupation: something involving math or writing
Marital Status: Unmarried
Zodiac Sign: taurus
Code: crussel1

Favorites
Bands/Singers: (for today only) Usher, Eminem, The Used
Movies: (for today only) Princess Bride, 6th Sense, and ANY chick flick (not counting those with ben affleck or freddie prince jr cuz those just suck)
Actors: Bruce Willis, Mandy Moore (don't laugh, i'm in love), Lindsay Lohan (don't laugh, i'm in love)
Books: mmm... poetry
TV Shows: discovery health channel (not counting any show on birthing)
Food: pineapple, cucumber, broccoli, hot steaming beef
Place: anywhere with gordon, cuddling with nicole in her bed, or surrounded by nipple and cole in mer's basement
Color: red
Sport: basketball and football

Opinions
Sex: yay for safe sex
Abortion: back off, this is a personal choice
War: sometimes inevitable, but always last option
Censorship: IS CRAZY! They wanted to censor Mark Twain and edit Dickinson!!! BOO!
Death Penalty: sticky subject, but yeah... i guess
Religion: i like christmas
Euthanasia: agonizing for patient and witnesses
Cloning: my curiousity is too vicious for me to say no
Gay Marriage (and not just love): wonderful. love is amazing, and professing that love is only better

On You
Talents: i'm sooo good at being weird
Describe yourself in a few words: energetic, spastic, motivated
A bad thing about yourself: I'm sensitive, and often dishonest
What do you look for in a friend: support, forgiveness, and fun
If you could change something about you, what would it be: today i would change my feet
Dreams you have: that whole spending my life with someone, owning a puppy, having a cat that likes me...
If you could be anyone for a day, who would you be: my cat. definitally my cat!!

Long Update But I Post Constantly

Tue, 23 Nov 2004 18:31:02 GMT

So I'm leaving at 1.45 today because I can, so that's about an hour and ten minutes of class so I can try super hard to keep occupied with menial stuff so i dont have to real work. :)
Yay for missing Psych! And yay for OCL with Rach and Char and Wendy. It was odd cuz I've never felt so stereotypically teenage than when i'm with that group. they dress consciously, rather than for fun, and they link into pairs and pressure each other to do things like they cant have an independent choice lest they risk being unfair or mean to the group. We're just different, I guess, but I still like hanging out with them.

I think I need to let go of the concept of OCL every day. I still want to leave everyday even if i dont want food outside of my home lunch. I just like getting out i guess. I like the music and i like pulling out onton Braddock without that traffic guard being there and without passing a line of cars with freakish parents waiting to pick up their kids .

Learned a bunch of new things in Russian, and this may sounds weird but I wish she'd given us some way to apply the new words. I know it wont stick unless i use it, and i liked the wksheet's she used to give us, cuz they were always funny. Dyeavooshka: Hello, it is pleasing to me to meet you!
Chelovyeak: Hey, it pleases me, too.
D: Where are your friends?
C: I do not have friends.
D: Goodbye.
C: Goodbye.

I want to buy language books for kids learning english. I do have an "easy english" packet for young russian kids and it's awesome, but mostly in english with silly and weirdly associated vocabulary. However, I will know where to look if I need to say "rotten rabbit stew".

Attempting to be ready for sleep (and that implies actually being sleepy) by 8 pm tonight, so I'll have a lovely 7.5 hours for tomorrow. And maybe if I time my meds wrong I'll be asleep by 6 or 7! Although, that's just wishful thinking.

Sometimes i dont understand people, and myself included. I keep seeing the following reaction: a person does something not intentionally funny---> someone finds it funny---> the person repeats it---> the audience hasn't the heart to inform them that it's no longer funny so they pretends it's semi funny---> the person repeats again with more enthusiasm trying to regain the hilarity achieved in first reiteration.

I wonder if our entire lives can be sculpted into a series of equations. If we can condense our academic worth into a college application, surely with enough dedication we can reduce our entire personalities into neat packages. So to understand someone, all you have to do is read their abstract. And if you really care about them you might even read their entire portfolio. Wow, how dating would evolve.

Kinda growing nervous about Emory. I get all frantic but I'm also using tomorrow as a reason for my excitement!
YAY for 15 hours until I get up to leave AND about 19 hours until I get to see Gordon!

Finally broke through akward barrier with Colin online. It was prolly me cuz I'm just not used to AIM, but then for some reason I felt like it and then chatted with Mary and Eata which made me all warmed up (since we actually had something to talk about) and then I actually came up with CONVERSATION when he aimed me. That sounds fucked up. When you AIMed me last night... remember when you and i had that AIM convo?...on AIM last night... oh weirdness.

how come labeling companies seem to think they should label their products differently when the holiday season approaches? I figure it just means we'll be drinking holiday cokes until february. And Holiday Spice Pepsi? Part of me thinks it'll be so foul i better not try it and the other part of me wants to try it in case it's foul or good. I also don't understand the idea of replacing all milk with eggnog in december. eggnog lattes, eggnog fraps, eggnog cakes, eggnog pastries, eggnog icing... i mean eggnog has it's place and time but unfortunately everywhere and anytime are not the answers! For me, personally, i think eggnog is one of the few things that tastes much better low-fat. it's crazy rich when it's all "real" but the skim versions are just like spiced milk, which is nice and warming, instead of coating your mouth and throat with globules of congealing dairy product.

I am a fruit cake virgin.

Rach F kept dissing people who were playing soccer at lunch and i just didnt get it. I mean, it's like recess, she kept saying. i think it looked like fun, and if i wasn't already planned to go to ocl, then i would have taken matt up on his offer to play. now true that i dont know how to play, really, but neither did phil so i bet it would have been a sweaty fun time. i guess the weather wasn't that perfect but since when do you have to have perfect weather to play a sport for fun? what about tag football in the insane humidity? what about tackle-ball right after it's rained so we get all muddy? what about our fake baseball in the rain, so you can't see the ball really well? okay that game never lasts long, and really has only been played the one time but it still counts! I did try to play basketball with nicole and tom in the rain but the ball kept getting muddy and then our hands got gross and the bottom inches of our pants got soaked and we couldn't look up at our shots cuz the rain was... raining.

On the back of the letter jackets jefferson is written like a crazy rainbow. for some reason it looks like a frowning face to me. how creepy. also, there is one just to the left of me, and i keeps catching my periferal vision.

Some guy's program is about 8K lines and took 7 seconds to compile. the one next to him has about 500 lines and it took 23 minutes. isn't the cray supposed to speed things up? i bunch of our servers are down, but i thought john spent all of yesterday fixing that?

Mrs. Sandstrom lost my essay for the contest.

Mrs. Sandstrom lost my essay for the contest.

My essay was lost.

It sucks cuz i thought i actualy answered the question well, or at least reasonably... alas. i hope it shows up. :(

There's this song that i can't find. i mean i have it on a cd, but i have no idea who sings it and the internet cant find lyrics that match up which most likely means i'm mishearing them in the first place:
"your eyes are small.
you'll never make everyone love your hometown.
the curtain call,
dont forget not to drop your head down,
cuz they'll wanna see your eyes
and they'll wanna see surprise in them.

someday, i will draw the line,
and try and catch you disappointed.
same guy, sparing different rhymes,
i'll try and catch you disappointed.

i tried so hard to get every single word out
that my tongue carved little scars in the roof of my mouth
and i thought i tasted blood but you convinced me otherwise"

im definiatlly on a punk rock kick. :) i think i was on a hip hop kick for a while, and country before that, but it's punk rock now. or least this one cd. with my mysterious song! and brand new.

My nose gets really cold in the lab. 12-squared, i say. I wonder how everyone would react if i bopped them on the head with my empty coke bottle. and how come all of these guys have pants that are too short, shirts that are waaay oversized and elastic waistbands or ankle bands. or a ponytail. well, that's just me and matt but neither of us are wearing elastic waists, short pants, or oversized shirts.

TMI: When i woke up this morning, i decided to take a shower which was nice but then i realized as i dried off that this meant that i had to put a bra on, which at the time i deemed unacceptable. So i grabbed one in case things got desperate (you never can tell, you know, especially if i did end up playing soccer) and there is sat in my passenger seat as char and rach and wendy hopped into my car for ocl. that was a funny story. i can't be the only one that sometimes gets sick of bras. i mean, i can't just no wear one now. i could get away with that before but now you can see my... breast shape through my shirt and the nipple factor is always controversial.

I'm so totally shutting up. I did waste a lovely 30 min on this update. I can waste another 40 min with loooong ass "bathroom" trips and text twist. That kinda rhymed. :)

I'll see you soon, Gordo!

Happy Time!

Tue, 23 Nov 2004 03:13:19 GMT

:) Thanks, Rachel!

Oh, red eye is so classy.

Mia is soooo hot!

This is for Charlotte mostly, but I find the picture endearing.
Alex looks soo uncomfortable.

I'm dating a slice... of pizza

Mon, 22 Nov 2004 16:02:36 GMT

Hilarious picture, Gordo. You guys rock.
Speaking of rock, in Geo Kurt and I made clouds rock on TM Band imaging sites. It was awesome and we were dancing and Mr. Jarvis said we needed something better to do. I don't know cuz not much is better than dancing.

Rach, how do you make your pictures work? Cuz mine dont and maybe my html is funky, but your all good at it. Help? Most likely I'll ask you again this evening. I'm so glad I get to see you. I love you very much, sweetie.

Found a shortcut with my tech lab so it's almost done, except for the whole presentation and research paper... yeah... i have to do that research thing.
Everything is good w/ Mrs. Sandstrom. I just adore that lady so much, and she thinks my Russian is good! So maybe she's a bit crazy but that's okay. She even told my parents how good my poem was... she said it was amazingly powerful and Russian. I was so touched, and also, I really think my Russian has been getting worse, and her faith just inspires me to try harder.

Wrote an article for tj newsletter, and thinking about seizing the opportunity to write something for anemos as well as threshold (cuz i'm just that cool) and shadwell cuz mrs. seavey says i need to get off my ass and start writing already so maybe that'll be my entertainment for wednesday's massive hours of travel.

About 2 days until I get to be with Gordon, which is wonderful and exciting and seems soooooo far away!! Excited cuz Dars is coming home and although that means I'll have to give up his bed and my tv... alas.... so sad... maybe we can figure out a way to route it to my room...
I'm ready for lunch... and most of all, I'm ready for Wednesday!

Tue, 16 Nov 2004 13:50:59 GMT

HA! I'm not going to school this morning!!! HAHAHA!

I am a binting little bint

Mon, 15 Nov 2004 16:04:12 GMT

I'm wearing my mommy's skirt from the 80s and my new pink tweed mary jane patent heels and my semi-new polka dot cap sleeve shirt with my semi-new formal pea coat over it. and panty hose. and a tank top that's pink. light pink. and the nails on my left hand are bright green marble with a pink heart on the index finger. I keep staring at my breasts. Like I look down and THERE THEY ARE and I'm reminded that I shouldn't wear low cut shirts.

And I love heels. They make me feel okay.

And really I'm a total wimp. I'm insecure and freakishly emotional. I need people and I need many things and I hate that. I need forgiveness and I need reassurance.
I almost cried when people in my Russian class asked me to travel with them on the Russian trip.
Then I changed the subject when Megan said I looked cute. I walked away when Sarah complimented me.

When Nicole emailed me, I squeaked.
I tried to sob quietly on the phone with Gordon last night, hoping desperately that he didnt know how hard was i crying. I don't know why.

I have taken my meds. I've been better with that, and yes, primarily because you reminded me of their importance.

Lounged with Merri on Sunday, and cried when I got into my car because I realized I wouldn't see her for a while and she might be hurt on a plane.

I cried when I was carded trying to pay for gas. I got a 10% off coupon since the manager saw. I guess being INSANE has it's benefits sometimes, especially if it means 10% off my next gas purchase.

I bitched out AAron this morning because he parked in my spot, cuz his mom convinced him not to wait the 3 minutes it took for me to get out of my house and up the street. Then I felt like crying because Annie saw me do it, and I was afraid they'd make fun of me or say something mean when I walked away.
I afraid of going to psych class because mr. kelly isn't friendly.

i want to see gordon.
so much.
so much.
i want to get into college and sleep a lot.
i want to see gordon.
9 days, though.
the russian essay contest is wednesday.
i cannot miss gov and i cannot miss the counselor meeting.
i have to sign up for 8th period. i miss meredith sachs. i need to prepare my scholarship file. i need to do laundry and clean my room and mail my letters and call my brother. i need to email my grammy and paint my toes and do my math hw and wash my hair. i need to get over myself and stop crying. i need to find nicole and stop crying. i need to stop complaining and do something.

so i sang in front of marcos and his dad and nicole unknowingly. i thought they were outside, and then marcos turns to me and says "ever consider a career in singing?" and nicole says "she wasn't even trying either. that's how amazing she is." and you know what i did.
I sneezed and then pretended my tears were allergy induced.

Gross.

My favorite word today is LITANY

Sun, 14 Nov 2004 15:46:21 GMT

It’s the little things. “Right where it always was.”
Nauseating waves of nostalgia,
I remember when…
Where is the line between bringing us together
And tearing us apart
Now that we are so different

"Bleeding is believing. I used to."

im becoming a prostitute

Mon, 01 Nov 2004 19:37:23 GMT

no math hw you suck daytime tv you rock and make me sooo shlumpy

Sat, 30 Oct 2004 23:42:18 GMT

Emory App is in the mail! I'm so tired I can't quite see or think...

Had the longest... and also the best phone convo ever. okay, so maybe it's always the best convo when it's with Gordon.

Nonsense at 6.30 AM!!

Tue, 26 Oct 2004 10:36:42 GMT

Gordon is amazing! Although when I think about it, i find it sad that i get all emotional the day after he leaves but i dont care right now because he's so good at making everything better. blackboard isn't working so i have no idea what homework i have to do but i didnt do anything this weekend and i didnt do anything but college stuff yesterday

hiccups...hiccups... i have the hiccups!!
I would dance and frolic around but my stomach's been strange and hurting randomly, so i'm almost afraid to move lest i disturb it.

The only SOLUTION is to go to school without doing any work! and I'm okay with that because I'll just work harder tonight cuz i've got math i need to do anyway-- and can't forget math-- maybe i have a test in psych today but i dont know and frankly i dont really care. ha, i dont care about that class at all. i care about essays and sleeping.
and next week when essays are over, i'll care about running and sleeping which will be a challenge since normally i have to pick one...

Blah Blah Fuzzy McBlah

Mon, 25 Oct 2004 19:14:04 GMT

I need to go shopping with my mom.
And get my act together and continue work on the college stuff.
Or finish watching Bring It On...

Ever have so much you know you need to do that you can't really figure out where to start so you end up doing nothing?

Maybe I will find motivation inside my third can of sprite in 7 hours...

Woot

Sat, 23 Oct 2004 05:54:14 GMT

How did we crush Wakefield and where is my voice?

Why is it that when girls are asked "are you mad at me?" the majority instinctively replies "no".

Why can't I sleep?

How is Gordon so awesome?
-remind me to talk to you about a big deal

I am dressed as a shoe.

Thu, 21 Oct 2004 17:32:23 GMT

Scared the compsys boys. My neck is sore. Probably because I woke up turned over with my arms somehow beneath me and my legs flopped off the bed.
Today is going my so slowly. I cannot wait to see Gordon; I am soo excited that just thinking about it makes me giddy and frantic.
I feel better now that I've at least written my essays and gotten at least one revision of them all. Teacher recs are in, but i need to remind dr. dell so he doesn't forget. counselor rec is taken care of and the first part of the application and app. fee are mailed in already.
I pretend that tights count like shorts under a skirt and that's okay, right?

Sun, 17 Oct 2004 14:40:19 GMT

I dare you to move.

Thu, 14 Oct 2004 12:17:11 GMT

My angst tastes like...

Orange
Find your angst's flavor

Looking forward to being with people today, albeit in school. Called Gordon in the wee hours of the morning and reaped the benefit of him being in college, since he was awake and didn't even have to whisper. Middle-of-the-night talking is very fun, I'd say, comforting but exciting, too. I got up way too early for my own good, esp. since today is a jlc day so i've had two hours of blah already and i don't have to leave for another 15 minutes.

Confession:
Switchfoot- Dare You to Move
haven't run in 6 days and i'm torn between not caring and freaking out

I need more shades of gray.
I need more shades of grey.